He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
