Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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