he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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