Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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