I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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