i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
