When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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