I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
