im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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