I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
