If i come over, it means nothing
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
