even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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