The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
