I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
