I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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