i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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