i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
