I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
