Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
