yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
