Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
