i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
