Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
