we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
