OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this beer tastes like vomit already
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
