I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
