Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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