I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
