The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood