It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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