just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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