I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
