Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
