mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
