you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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