Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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