Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
