I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
