I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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