Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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