I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
