my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
