I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize