What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize