i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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