How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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