I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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