I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
