I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
