And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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