I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
