does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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