I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
