please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
