it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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