have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
