you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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