So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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