I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
