Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
