id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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